Kristen, born in October in the late 70’s into a devout Christian family by an unholy union. To teenage parents of the sex, drugs and rock-n-roll era. Because of this her young parents were too immature and filled with sin to want her or to take care of her. Leaving her with her Grandparents most of the time.
Kristen’s Grandmother died of Breast Cancer when she was 7 leaving her questioning why God would take her. Because of her death Kristen was sent to go live with her biological mother and her husband. Tossed back and forth many times to other homes. Never wanted. Through her childhood and teenage years Kristen endured many forms of abuse by her biological mother and step-father, Because of this Kristen searched for love anywhere she could. This led to hanging with other misfits from broken or abusive homes all trying to fill a deep unamendable hole. We create our own families, a collection of lost sheep tossed out amongst wolves.
Her teenage years spent trying to fit in somewhere. Her 20’s showing everyone she didn’t need them. After graduating from college she decided to leave the pain behind and head off to the unknown… 1200 miles away, on an Island off the coast of Florida.
Having her son Dylan was the turning point, she finally had something that was hers, she could have her own family, someone that she could protect, love and teach, and the way no one ever did for her. She felt as this was a sign from God that she did have a place in the world, someone wanted her, needed her and loved her unconditionally. She wanted more than ANYTHING to be a mother and a wife and to have a big family that she could call her own. To be wanted…
Unfortunately the devil wasn’t going to make it that easy. The wolves came dressed as men that pretended to love me and want the same things I did. They would suck me in, then the mask would fall. Revealing the same cycle of abuse that she endured as a child. OVER and OVER again…. WHY????
She met a man, who seemed different than all the others, she fell in love, like she had never done before, he was responsible, and was a Christian. Still desperate for a family and love she would do anything to make this man love her and not abandon her. Unfortunately this relationship would suck all the life out of her, creating only a shell of her former self. Depressed and suicidal she decided she had to leave so she could live again. Vowing to love herself enough not to allow anyone to belittle or abuse her again.
Desperate for the cycle of abuse to stop and losing her Brother, and Grandmother two of the few people who had always loved her unconditionally, she set out on a journey to find truth!
Truth in everything, history, peoples actions, why we did the things we did, why people believe this or that continuing a search for God and the truth that her Brother had started… Eventually leading her down the path of the New Age Religions of Spirituality and Self Awareness. Through this, experiencing the supernatural in ways one wouldn’t believe unless they had experienced it for themselves.
She had a revelation, you will never find peace and who you are until you forgive, you must forgive all and yourself, what felt like hours I fought every last demon through prayer and forgiveness, My body being filled from head to toe will God’s love and forgiveness! The Love, Joy, and Importance I felt was indescribable and life changing. I read and studied and read and studied some more, realizing that everything I had ever been taught was a lie. The truth lighting my narrow path to Yeshua. Forgiving the man I was in love with for the abuse that he had shown my Son and me.
Through forgiveness he has been reborn. I am determined to live for Yah. I am here today through Yeshua’s love and guidance a newborn soul, Now being born through love I know that I am worthy of being treated with kindness, as an equal, I am not less than anyone if Yah loves me.
I’m still not sure where I belong on this earth, I may never know. The cycles and abuse continue. The Demons have set out to make war with woman and children. Maybe we will never be safe with man? But I will serve my Messiah the best I can, through his love I can persevere.
Thank you for reading my testimony. I pray that my journey might help someone who is struggling through the same things I have and that by knowing you are not alone, know that you are never alone. Please feel free to reach out if you’ve ever felt or are experiencing life the same way, to our email address: firstname.lastname@example.org. May the Lord shine his light upon you.